It’s been two weeks since I had chat with Kise. Having lots of assignment made my head spinning. So stress, as you need to finish them on time. Although I didn’t get a chance to chat with him, he still kept on sending me messages about the day he had done and asking me about the day I had done. I think his place must be snowing right now, the whole street filled with white, cold ice vapour come out like a breathing dragon when you breathe out your hot air from your mouth. Damn, I’m so envious of him, get to see all four season while I can only see ONE.
One more weeks before my assignment deadline and the good thing is that I submitted it earlier than my friends at college. Just drove back home from college where my mom welcomed me back home from the kitchen where she was preparing for dinner now. “(Name), there is a package from your friend.” She said where I saw a big parcel on the table.
“Oh really? Who is this from?” I asked. “Is it from (Best Friend’s name)?”
“I don’t think so, since the word are not in English.”
Not in English? What does she mean? I brought the parcel into my room and exclaimed the address on it and it said ‘From Kise Ryota, Japan’
All the way from Japan?
That was so…
The first time... Cool~!
I shook the parcel and I could hear a rattle of a CD case, two I think. I carefully opened the parcel inside and other than gifts and snacks there were two magazine, two CD cases and a letter which I never seen before.
Looking through the magazine named ‘Zunon Boy’ and all the words are in Japanese, which I don’t know what does it said. The front cover of the magazine was a model of him, looking so cool and amazing in fashion. Very cool, very manly, very… boy-ish? I don’t know, somehow the feels is like… a tomboy girl in the boys magazine.
After I read the two magazines, I began to look at the two CD cases. One of the CD was his introduction which he had did on our first meeting and the other one was the one which I had never seen before. What could it be? Another video of his introduction? Or a video clip of how he model behind the scene? Whatever it is, only one way to find out is to watch what it is inside.
Turning on the CD to see what was inside, the video began with a white, snowy introduction, and then from the beginning until the end, all of it are about snow he had taken through the video. Videoing the depth of the snow each step he had taken, showing me how he make a mini snowman and snow rabbit with his thick gloves and skating on the thick slippery ice of the lake with a few fall he had made. At night, he went to the city with his friends from his school. All of them are his basketball players. Each of them introduced themselves in front of the video but at the end, he was kicked by one of his senior name Yukio Kasamatsu, the one got blushed hard when he realised that this video will be send to a girl, which is me.
Ha-ha! He must be shy in front of the girls.
The hang out began, the street were filed with beautiful lights, decorating every places, filling up all the dark cold, night. Families and couples were hanged out together in this wonderful occasion. Compare to the winter night at the TV, this was the best winter season I had ever seen in this video.
The video ended with his friends saying goodbye to the camera and with a small message said, ‘Please read the letter after watching this’ with a love animation on it. Searching for the letter after that and carefully opened it as I found the letter. “To Nin or (Real name,)
Hi-suu~! As you can see right now, I had send you lots of good things like snacks and sketch books since you love to draw and some of my magazines. How was the video that I had made? Was it good? Do you like it? Is it too weird? Did I do any mistakes? And what do you think of my magazine? I look cool, right? Did I ask too much? (Ha-ha)
Anyway, its weird that I send you this video to you isn’t it? Because I remember last tie after our chat, you said you want to see the winter snow in my point of view and this is what I came out with.
(Ha-ha!) It was hard, especially when I am holding the camera at the same time. Too bad you didn’t get to see the snow falling. They said if you get to see the FIRST SNOW and you make a wish, it will come true. Well, I never try it before since I do not have anything to wish for. But whether you get to see it or not, I hope your wish will always come true…
Kisr Ryota, Copy Cat
The letter was short, but I like it. I never knew there is someone who could do this an amazing surprise for me, and it’s a guy made a surprise for me. I was touched and happy to receive such a wonderful gift. Although it was not my birthday but who care!
That night, there was a chat message from him. Kise07: Hi~! Miss me? <3
[Name]: Haha… No comment… XD
Kise07: That’s mean... (TT)
[Name]: Haha… sorry… XP
Kise07: It’s ok. BTW… How’s your assignments?
[Name]: Just finished them by one weeks earlier… And also, I had received your package~!
Kise07: Ah, really?! It arrive safety? That’s good. I was actually worried that it never reach to you. But glad you receive it. So how was the video?
[Name]: It was amazing!!! So detail that I felt that I was the one who is inside the video… the place you had video was beautiful… I love it!!! Thank you! <3
Kise07: Really? Glad you like it (0v<) ~<3
[Name]: But then, you had been doing this the whole day and even at night too… Don’t you feel cold?
Kise07: Hey~! I’ve a healthy body. This type of cold is not gonna hurt me. XP
Kise07: I even pay basketball outside the court.
[Name]: Wao! You really are healthy… I like winter, but I can’t stand the cold… (TmT)
[Name]: Weak body… But you’re right, I’m like a cold-blooded… XD
Kise07: Ah~ I see. But it’s a shame you are not in my country-suu.
[Name]: What makes you say that?
Kise07: So that I can go and find you~ hang out with you~ invite you to see me play in the game~
[Name]: Yeah, too bad… Be a pilot then… Like this you can fly anywhere you want and you can visit my country when you stop by… XP
Kise07: [Name]-cchi! You are GENIUS! I really should be a pilot as my job! XD
[Name]: Eh? Not a NBA player?
Kise07: Not when you ask me to be a pilot… (^w^)~<3
[Name]: OH HELL NO!!! You don’t have to go that far for the sake of me!!! I just give my example!
Kise07: Ha- ha! Ok-suu. Well, talk to you later, gotta go and do my part time now. Bye~<3
[Name]: Ok Bye~<3
A happy chat ended here, my face couldn’t stop smiling, reading the letter again and again as if like reading a love letter- Wait… why I feel like the way we act as if like he is my long distance boyfriend? Yes, he is a guy… and my friend… a boyfriend? Ha-ha… very funny, he is only my cha friend in online and beside, he is so good-looking he should already had a girlfriend, who is more beautiful than me. She must be a model like him, looking so good together in every magazine they had taken…
I really want a boyfriend.
If possible, I want him to be my first or MAYBE someone like HIM… to be my first.
Never happen! Stop dreaming already. We both are living in a different country and life. I don’t want my friendship ends here when I confess to him. I need to think of him as my friend… MUST THINK OF HIM AS MY FRIEND!!!
However, this feeling kept on growing. Moreover, every month, new parcel kept on coming in. Snow globe, pot plant, art craft made by him, plushie toys and even want to send me an Old English Shepherd puppy all the way here and it took me days to persuade him not to send me this kind of gift… Although I want that…
Every time as we want to end our chat, he always ended it with the word, “Love You” or “XOXO” Those words are easy to type it out, so easy that my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I admit… I’m in love with him. This kind of feeling I never felt it before… excited when he was online, happy when we did a video chat and my heartbeats fast when he send all those ‘love-messages-like’ to me.
I couldn’t take it anymore, with these feelings kept inside me made me felt so uncomfortable it if I don’t let it out. Then… I had decided, I will tell him my feelings of him and that’s it. I don’t care what will happen to us, as long I could let this out and end my friendship, I’m fine with it. He goes his way and I go my own way.
I definitely fine with it…
Will be fine…
Its been a week already, I didn’t get the chance to say it out yet.
What am I?
Well, yes… I am… I just couldn’t find the right time to say it out. Not long he send a message chat to me. Kise07: Hi [Name]-cchi~ <3 Doing good?
[Name]: Not so good…
Kise07: Why? Not feeling well?
[Name]: Not that… Just… in a good mood…
Kise07: Aww~ Is it because you miss me? That’s so sweet-suu~ (^3^) ~<3
Ugh! My ‘kokoro’! Those words… so no good for my heart. Why does he had to say something like that? [Name]: Stop doing that Kise… I’m not in a mood of your jokes now…
Kise07: Sorry… You sure you are fine?
Kise07: Then lets video chat, I want to see if you’re really ok or not.
Here is my chance… Maybe the last. I accepted his video chat and see him face to face. There he was, a beautiful model face of his shining brightly in every directions. Why does a pretty boy like him ever exists? There goes my heart again, I could even hear the fast tempo of my heart. “Hi, [Name]-cchi~ <3” Ugh~! That voice of his… really… not good for me.
“Hi.” I waved at the screen, putting on my best- fake- smile of mine but he immediately notices it.
“ Woah~ you really not in a good mood, even with that best smile you have.”
“Sorry about that.”
“Tell me what’s wrong. Mostly you are the only one who hear my problems. And now, its my turn to hear your problems. If possible, I want to solve it to make you feel better.” He said with his caring smile on his face. There’s no turning back now so… here goes nothing.
“Kise, do you … ever fell in love with someone before?” I asked and he freaked out.
“[Name]-cchi!!! You got someone you like?! Who is it!? What does he look like?!”
“Kise, this is serious. I need to know your answer.” I said it I my serious tone.
“Sorry [Name]-cchi… Well, yes and I got this feeling not long ago.”
“Not long? Wait, you are single?”
“Yup! And you are moody because of that? Because of someone you like make you like this?”
I nodded. “Kise, is it ok to tell me… what kind of person is she that you love?”
“Well..” he began while thinking at the same time. “She’s cool and normal-like, she’s an amazing person. She’s is not really good at things but she can draw well like you. She’s not really sociable, but she listens to my problems like you, not to forget her features are good too. But sadly, she got someone she likes already.”
“Ah… I see…” Yup, definitely not talking about me. He even adds ‘the features are good’. This words really definitely not me.
“So… who is this person you like?” Now its his turn to ask me.
“Well, he’s good looking and very popular and you can say he is expert in everything if he tries. But the thing is that, he didn’t know I like him and the sad thing is that he got someone he like too. If you see me with him together, we don’t look good together. Instead of a couple, we look more like master and servant. So… do you think I should confess to him?”
“Sure, you should! [Name]-cchi!” he said with a smile. “I support you. I mean, he should be lucky to have you, you know? You are a good, cheerful person. If he judges your appearance then he’s is really a jackass. You have a good heart, [Name]-cchi. Appearance doesn’t last forever, it’s your kind-heart last forever.”
“Yes, and may I know who is the person that you like?”
“You want to know?”
Here goes nothing…
“The person I like is…”
“is…” he repeated after me.
“You… Kise Ryouta, I like you.”
After that, I shut down the video chat immediately. I did it… I finally say it out. Now I feel much lighter, although I could feel my heart was going to burst anytime. I could even felt the steam coming out from my neck. Looking at the screen again, a notification of ‘accepting the video chat?’ blinking. I ignore it, not to get asked any further, for his own good and foe my own good.
And then, I never on my Facebook again.